When there is a fire there is gonna be a flame.....

So I have decided as much as I love music, this will probably be included in each of my titles :) TONS going on lately so I've been neglecting my blog. I'm sure my many readers have missed me *insert sarcasm*. Anyways.......like I said tons going on. I went to my first ever Alabama football game! I was so excited! We had awesome seats thanks to one of my drug reps that has season tickets! They played FL ATL and of course killed it. It was a really fun experience. So so crowded, lots of walking, lots of sweating *eww*, and lots of cheering :) The ride there was hilarious, you are on this horrible back road for a good majority of the ride. Ben kept joking that we weren't far from hearing banjos...haha...gotta love the South. Monday was Ben's birthday. He got his present early which was flomasters on his truck. Hard to surprise him like ever. And I took him to eat at La Parilla which is his fav! Next, we FINALLY traded that POS Ford Fusion I had! Good riddens! We got a 2005 white Jeep Grand Cherokee and I must say I looooove it! It has a hemi engine which means its super fast and drinks gas...ugh...but my payment drops so that makes up for the extra gas....at least that is what I am telling myself so that I feel better lol. Let's see, what else. Ben's fall softball league has started. I know he thinks I get tired of it but I love watching him play. And its just gives me time to socialize outside of my usual which is actually the relief of my week. And I get excited when he hits home runs :) Makes my proud of my hubby! Work has slightly, and I stress the word slightly, improved. Everyone has been in somewhat of a better mood which makes the day/week soooo much easier. It's pretty bad when your entire day depends on the mood of 2 individuals since they can just manage to ruin it for everyone. I was given some good advice when in that situation. Close your eyes, take deep breaths, pay close attention to the surrounding sounds, then imagine all your problems (people included) tied to a conveyer belt and moving out of your head.....hey I kind of thought it was funny. Can't you just imagaine someone you don't like tied to this conveyer belt screaming as you wave bye bye:) Yeah I thought so, I knew it wasn't just me!

Sad to say I almost, ALMOST got my hopes up. I have stopped my fertility meds for the last two months, and they always say once you stop trying it will happen. Well to those people kiss my booty because guess what. I was 12 days late and still not preggers! You really can't just not think about it. No matter how hard I try it will always be in the back of my mind. I will always get my hopes up, and most of the time to get my heart broken. It really can't take much more breakage btw. And now I have all of this anxiety built up, I feel terrible every day. Like physically. Yesterday I pure felt like I was just going to collapse, no strength.  I am always tired/sleepy. Maybe its just the depression of it all. This is really my only outlet as I don't want to constantly irritate people with my struggles. I found out last week that the doctor I was seeing first of all had me on 50 mg too much of my fertility meds. And after 3 months of no pregnancy he should have looked into other options, but no, he kept me on it for 15 months! 15!!!!! Needless to say I was a little outraged. I mean, he just didn't care. He never tried to discuss other options until the last month when I got some sense and went to another doctor. Being on this med too long can cause permanent damage that will cause me to never conceive and can cause ovarion tumors. I get angrier every time I think about it.

Ok so enough about that before I throw my laptop in a fit of rage :) Time to eat dinner with my hubby and get ready to watch the Bame game. Send happy thoughts my way please!

XoX